| blog |
| twenteethree-3:55pm |
| i don't really care who reads these blog entries. i made this account just to have a record on how i really feel about what's happening to me. about the one i LOVE in particular. if ever you're reading this, i dont know where you got my url, and if ever you are reading this, most probably, i've told you my url, but i have no intention of telling it to anybody, except the person this blog is intended. in time, maybe if i already have moved on, i'll most probably tell YOU about this, or if i already had a total breakdown. entries: from the day we broke up... |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| friday,august17,2007 |
| moved |
| twenteethree-3:39pm |
| guys, i've changed my url na:
click!. for you guys to be able to place your comments!:) feel free ok?:)
|
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| wednesday,august15,2007 |
| i am missing YOU |
| twenteethree-6:53pm |
|
man, i damn miss him so much:( but then i feel so much better now. nakausap ko na xa nung sunday e. and i guess he's ok, even if he keeps on telling me that he isn't what he seem like. yah..so what's that suppose to mean? i hope his new girlfriend is taking good care of him. i so wanna talk to him again.
we talked about the issue of him comming back. but then i wasn't in my self right now. but even if i'm not me right now, god, the question is a no-brainer. i uberly want him back. i haven't moved-on. i still feel for you. i want you to know what i feel. but then i guess it wouldn't move you anyways. i don't think you remember me kahit isang beses lang. i don't get any message from you. but that is understandable. you have given someone your commitment. and i know you. you stick to what you say. and stand by your decisions, unlike me. i'm sorry for having to break my promises. but i still want to love you forever or if not, atleast for-life-time. i'm so happy because you still want my opinion in your decisions. and i loved it when you told me: that i'm the only person you've really been honest with and that you too wanted to talk to me:). if you only know how i wait every day for you to go online. hai, your girlfriend is so paranoid di naman ako manggugulo e. i have nothing against her. pero the way she talk isn't very nice. what is it with her? kaya tuloy ako napapapatol. hai. how dare her call me a bitch..tsk. yan ba pinagpalit mo talaga sakin? pff... status sa friendster: jhoi: i still love fitzi joanne: i know you still, (and called me a bitch on her blog) jhoi: I.N.T.I.M.I.D.A.T.E.D?? or maybe T.H.R.E.A.T.E.N.E.D?? haha love where i am right now:) joanne: hahaha! u sooo crack me up!, who da bitch?you?ouh..hahaha..rr-ighht... jhoi: love me or HATE me,, i wont give a DAMN!!:) i still matter:) jhoi: go on LAUGH HARD, understandable. because your face is HILARIOUS!haha, love being such a BITCH:) yuck i don't really wanna be bitchy and all pero she provoked me. i'm just protecting my self too. i so wanted to talk to you, to text you, but i respect the fact that you already have a girlfriend. and that you love her. and she deserve to be respected... |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| sunday,august12,2007 |
| rest |
| twenteethree-12:11pm |
| taena! man, that gurl is uberly lucky:( she can be with
jay whenever she wanted..:( never ever felt so envious
in my entire life existence,,:( urgh,,don't wanna
expect anymore, it just hurts me. hai mistakes,, once
done, is acceptable, more than that is stupidity.. yah,
whatever. whatever. waaaa, i am so conflicted!! i'm so
tired, every day i want to be uberly and exaggeratedly
tired. because when i'm tired, i tend to fall a sleep
easily. as much as possible i don't really wanna think
of you because it just break my heart. haha, ang
tragic ng ending. the one who cheated and dared to
leave the other is the one who wanted the other back. i
know i deserve this, but until when will i pay for it?
for lifetime?? hai sana wag naman, i'd go crazy. i
wanna leave him alone. pero other part of me doesn't
want to. i still wanna hang on. but then i realized,
how will i hang on? i have no one/nothing to hold on
too anymore. he already walked away and saved and made
someone else happy.
i'm nearly worn out. i'm almost reaching my limit. maybe, i'd take a rest first. and one day if i'm too lucky enough you'd save and repair me.:) hai, i can't wait. |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| friday,august10,2007 |
| trying to keep my c.o.m.p.o.s.u.r.e. |
| twenteethree-9:27pm |
|
hai, every song in my playlist just makes me remember you. this life is so fucked up. never regreted anything in my life except hurting, and leaving you. never really felt suicidal in my entire life, but now i just wanted this pain to stop. i need rest. the only thing that is keeping me to move is to know that you are there, my friends and family are there, and wishing that someday our roads will cross again, and maybe, just maybe, you may get to feel the same way you felt before when you still love me.
i have 3 dilemmas: i wanted you to know that i still uberly feel for you but then: 1. you might not believe me for every pain i've caused you. and not accept my love. 2. telling you that i love you and confuse you which might lead in ruining your relationship with joanne, which is not my agenda, or worst case senario: you might just ignore me. 3. NEVER tell you that i love you and that i can't live without you, and that you're the reason i strive and work hard. and someday end up regreting because i never told you how much i truely love you.:'( but i guess, i'll just follow the third option. because i don't deserve to be happy, because of all the mistakes i've done. i'm so frustrated. i wanna run after you but i can't find you anymore. it's just getting worst everyday. i need you jay. i need you!! |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| thursday,august09,2007 |
| cry your heart out, it helps, i swear. |
| twenteethree-11:00pm |
| dalawang araw na kami walang pasok. and fuck this rain, it wont stop, it's just making me sadder than ever. one week mahigit na ako naghihintay para mag online ka. pero wala talaga. natanong ko na lahat ng tao kung nakachat ka nila. pero all of them said NO,, i just wanna talk to you. now i am experiencing what you've felt before. alam ko na.
nakuha ko na lahat ng advices from my friends:
[zien] dapat pinag isipan mo muna ng matagal bago ka gumalaw. but mare all you have to remember is: you don't need anybody to complete you, they're just there to compliment your COMPLETENESS 'zien i love you so much, thank you for always, ALWAYS being there...'
[ava]
kahit hindi naman kami ganon ka-close.
[sam] comforting and listening to every single word i am saying. even if i'm so stupid. [john jo] for still making me laugh. and telling me that i'll move on in time. and all i have to do is PRAY, CONTROL, and have FAITH thankyou guys for being there, this has been the hardest YEAR. i guess i've cried every single tear. and it's time to move on. all i can do now is to stand here. wait. and i have no intention of bugging you. hope you find happiness kay joanne. because i was never been able to do that for you. i'll stay here and try to accept the tragic fact that you love someone else already. but i guess i'll alaways love. i was shaken, all my fault you've changed your mind we've chosen separate paths but i am still waiting hope you take a glance back.. |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| monday,august06,2007 |
| please remember that once, you loved me. PLEASE. |
| twenteethree-8:45pm |
| pota, i have just typed the entry title naiyak na ako. hon, (i don't care if you belong to someone else already), please remember that once in your life you
loved me, i don't care kung may girlfriend ka na. i don't want to be your girlfriend anymore, i just want you to pay attention, and see that i still
love you so much.
i want you to remember these: 1. remember when we text each other every morning, remember how it feels like, please. BECAUSE you are my FIRST LOVE 2. remember when we danced at gen's house and the sound playing is: more than words BECAUSE you were my FIRST DANCE. 3.remember when i wrote you this last october? ~ i would never forget the way you held me around your arms, the way you whisper on my ear telling me “PANO MAMAYA?”, the way you kiss me…the feeling of you lips…the way I breathe in what you breathe out, the way you place and rub your finger tips against my skin… the way our souls talk even if we’re not speaking, the way you filled the missing pieces of me again…~ (every single word i've written there was true. and hon, will you accept me back in the future when we've forgot what happend? if yes, i can't wait for that day to come..) 4. remember when you have written this: ~the love of my life kanina,nagchat kami ni jhoi,natanong ko sa kanya,kung sa itngin nya magkakatuluyan kami..pareho kami ng sinagot na hindi namin alam..para sakin,hindi ko talaga alam,parang ang dami kasi pumipigil..pero,kahit na ganun,,gusto ko sya..ewan ko ba talaga..hindi ko maintindihan..basta hindi ko mapigil na maisip sarili ko na kasama sya at tumanda na kasama sya..gusto ko magkaron ng pamilya sa future..sana sya maging mommy ng mga anak ko..yun pangarap ko para samin..gusto ko magkaron kami ng magandang buhay..sana talaga kami na magkatuluyan..well,marami pa naman tym para mapagusapan namin yan,ayoko magmadali.gusto ko maging msaya sya sa mga desisyon nya.mas maganda na pinagiisipan ng mabuti mga desisyon.gusto ko maging masaya sya sa buhay nya..o buhay namin..anyway,nung tapos na kami magchat,tinext nya to sakin.. "just wanna make it clear, ung tanong mo kanina kung tingin ko magkakatuluyan tayo,. d ko alm.. pro un n ung gsto ko. cnt pic2re myslf w/ other.. kung san mo gusto magstay dun ako, i wnt u to be the fther of my famly,. un lng.. missu" ano pang hahanapin ko sa babae,nasayo na lahat,,ang sarap pakinggan ng sinabi mo..promise ko sayo,gagawin ko lahat para mangyari yan.,walang makakapigil sakin.,i promise that i will be loyal and honest to you all the time.you can ask me anything and i will answer without hesitating.kahit anong mangyari ikaw lang mahal ko.u have changed me in so many ways.u made me a better man.hindi na ko bibitaw.hindi na kita papakawalan.iloveyou verymuch. nung isang araw,diba sinabi ko sayo na may sasabihin ako?,,nakalimutan mo na yata..pero lalagay ko nalang dito..nakachat ko si katrina..tinanong nya kung tayo parin ba daw..sabi ko oo..sabi nya,,baka naman daw nanggagago ako dito..baka daw may ginagawa akong kalokohan..ganun kasi siguro pagkakakilala ng mga tao sakin sa pilipinas,,kung tatanungin mo mga kaibigan ko,siguro ganun din sasabihin nila,,isa sa mga reason kaya gusto kong pumunta dito,kasi gusto ko magbago..dito,sa singapore,wala pa nakakakilala sakin.meron akong bago,at malinis na record,o buhay.parang bagong buhay ba..kaya sinabi ko kay katrina,nagbago na ko,ayaw nya maniwala..pero,wala na ko pake kahit maniwala xa o hindi..basta alam ko sakin na nagbago na ako.., tapos,sabi nya hindi ba daw ako natatakot na meron nang iba si jhoi,sabi ko hindi..kasi hindi ganon pagkakakilala ko sa kanya..sabi nya nagbabago daw lahat ng tao..kaya maghanda daw ako..kahit daw may tiwala ako sa kanya,pwede parin un mangyari..lalo na malayo ako sa kanya,wala ako dun..di ko natuloy alam iisipin ko..pero alam ko talaga,na hindi magagawa sakin ni jhoi un..at wala rin akong balak gawin un sa kanya..yan nalang muna..ieedit ko nalang..may kelangan na ko gawin e..iloveyouverymuch nie ko.walang iwanan promise.. (I COULD DIE TO HEAR YOU SAY THIS AGAIN JAY...) |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| sunday,august05,2007 |
| spark of so little hope |
| twenteethree-8:40pm |
| (when i saw that joanne wrote this, i had a little spark of hope. hopping that you haven't forgotten me yet, and atleast you still think
of me. that's all i want jay. for me to know if you still think of me or you already have totaly moved on.)
"I so fucking get hurt every time I see or hear HER name. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel I’m not good enough… or that no one can ever replace her in your heart… Sometimes I think I made the wrong moves. But I still wanna give it a try. Only because I have regained my feelings for you. Do you?" |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| saturday,july28,2007 |
| ouch! |
| twenteethree-9:45pm |
|
never really felt na BREAK na tau 'til:
1. you changed your passwords 2. deleted my pictures and our pictures together 3. never texted me 4. bitterly bragging me about you new girlfriend 5. read joanne's blog and you both seem so happy together 6. realized how lucky she is for she was loved by you 7. nung nabasa ko yung blog ni joji 8. never really remembered me,kahit message sa ym lang 9. you really did have moved on 10. i found my self crying because i lost you for forever.. fucked up!! I STILL LOVE YOU!! i can move on, but i dont want to!! ang kapal ng mukha ko para magexpect pah!! all i can do is to keep it to my self because i have no face to show you anymore.. GOD KNOWS WHO MY HEART REALLY BEATS FOR.. i deserve this.. i deserve this!! STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH JHOI!! |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| wednesday,july25,2007 |
| jealous |
| twenteethree-7:05pm |
| umm, so kayo na nga ni joanne. fuck i was so hurt. i guess tapos na talaga. is this how we are really going to end? mas lalo akong nanlumo nung sinabi saken ni ayes na hindi ka na daw babalik dito sa september. i am all screwed up. I WANT YOU BACK!!. pero wala na akong magawa. you already seem happy. now nararamdaman ko na talaga na you'll never know how important SOMEONE is 'til it's gone. that time i wanted to do everything for you to love me back a.g.a.i.n. sa relationship namin ni david, ask him pa how i was lame. PUTANGINA talaga, i thought i can already move on. pero hindi pa pala talaga. now it's clear. my heart will never be able to beat, not unless it's for you.
but i guess, what i'm trying to say is impossible. because of my mistake, i've ruined the most important thing to me. it hurts me as hell to know that YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE:'( |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| monday,july16,2007 |
| we broke up |
| twenteethree-6:45pm |
|
yah, sige sabihen na naten that i lied, kasi sinabi ko sayo na hindi kami nagusap ni david nung araw na yun. i was scared, i thought i really loved him. i was thinking about him all day since nung thursday. i regret that i left you again, ang hirap talaga pag wala ka saken ngayon, this is the hardest transition of my life, hon, we grew up together for 3 years and i have been uberly dependent on you. pero nung time na yun i don't know what was really going on. i needed someone to love me and will be there for me. na-catalize pa nung nakita ko yung picture ni joanne. i was sa depressed, you know me sometimes i'm bugnuten. i wasn't thinking very well that time i admit. and all of this is my fault i know. that day david wasn't really talking to me, kaya i was alarmed, akala ko love na yung naramdaman ko.
i know, hindi mo na ako makilala, dahil sa lahat ng mga pinag-gagagawa ko. pero jay i am still me. i need you. this is the worst of me. all i can say is: i was wrong, i'm sorry, i'm not perfect, i was unfaithful, but i love you, and sometimes you have to be at your w.o.r.s.t. to be at your b.e.s.t. |
| theyellowwhousesblueü |
| jhoi |
 my
close friends call me jhoi. my behbeh calls me nie. a
daughter. a girlfriend. a sister. sixteen. simple. makulet.
moody. masunget at times. stubborn.ü silly. incomming 1st
year college at manila doctors. i love: jülian, yellow,
brown, blue, p!nk, barbie almalbis, strawberries, ice cream,
whipped cream, fries, chocolates. likes: twentythree, guitar,
earings, shoes. one of: thalenthadoz, sliquechic, spickNspan.
|